Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
