im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
