do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
