Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
