grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
