Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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