remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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