I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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