i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
