in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
