There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
