I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
sarcasm needs its own font
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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