Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
