But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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