There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
