So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
