I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
