what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
