so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
There's always time for handjobs
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
