Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
