Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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