I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
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