I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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