well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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