kristin has been a bad kristin
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
3 2 1 whiskey
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
