You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
