I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
