Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
