we have officially lost it.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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