yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
