He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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