haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize