Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
