Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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