In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
