Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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