I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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