I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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