At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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