im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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