I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
