i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Sext me about skeletons
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
