Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
