i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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