I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
