Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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