Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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