90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
