Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my phone needs a breathalizer
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize