you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
