it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
