My balls are so social today.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
