it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize