Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
