This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
