If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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