My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
