Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
