Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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