Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
