I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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