You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
