when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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