my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize