i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
