I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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