I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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