When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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