Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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