You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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