She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so that wasnt chicken after all
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
