Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
