We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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