He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
