somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
